9 Tips for Exploring Same-Sex Sacred Sexuality with the Nunchaku

As our ideas of sex and relationships expand, so too must the content that educates us on these topics. Sacred sexuality has been around for centuries, but unfortunately, most of the resources on this subject are geared towards heterosexual couples. In reality, couples of any sex or gender orientation can engage in the practice. Some would say sacred sexuality lends itself more naturally to connections between women, who have an easier time recognizing sex as a total-body experience and don’t always view vaginal penetration as the main event. Sacred sex is about cultivating awareness and taking your time to witness the divine source in each other and transcend the ego.

To understand sacred sexuality, we must first understand what the word sacred means. It’s Latin root is “sacra,” which means holy. It’s no coincidence that sacrum, the anatomical term for the triangular bone that sits between our hipbones and where our sacral chakra is located,has the same root. As the place where pleasure originates, this alone should tell us that sex is meant to be revered.

The sexual revolution that took place in the 1960s broke away from traditional values to embrace “free love.” We’ve only gotten more progressive since, but as we buck tradition, we must not let our sexulity be consumed by our instant gratification culture. It’s effortless to watch porn, sext someone, or swipe on a dating app, but sex has the potential to be much more engaging and fulfilling. Sacred sex allows us to merge the body with the soul.

There is a misconception that this type of soulful connection cannot involve the darker side of our sexuality. However, it is the intention, not the act, that makes sex sacred. Similar to sex between women, the weapon and fetish-inspired Chakrub Shadow Line explores sex outside of our usual boundaries. Black obsidian is the featured crystal in the line, acting as a powerful cleanser and offering protection as we acquaint ourselves with our darkest desires. Using any of these products requires honesty, vulnerability, trust, and reverence for whoever you engage with, even if it’s only yourself.

Sacred sexuality is centered around union, and what better tool to bring you together than the Nunchaku? This double penetrative wand is larger than the original Chakrub line and its design is inspired by Bruce Lee. As we use the Nunchaku, we can ask ourselves questions about how to preserve what we love and receive guidance from the Goddess (or God, universe, whatever term you prefer). The Nunchaku has three different crystal options: two black obsidian wands, one obsidian wand and one black white jasper wand, or two black white jasper wands. Just like Chakrubs, once you feel you’re ready to work with different energy, try a new crystal.

Here are a few suggestions for using the Nunchaku in your sacred sex practice, though I invite you to adapt them to fit your needs:

  1. Create an environment where your practice can flourish. Engage the senses by burning sage or palo santo, draping your bed in silk sheets, and playing music that fits the mood.
  2. Before you begin, it’s a good idea to discuss your limits and negotiate your expectations for the encounter. This is part of setting your intention.
  3. Draw a bath or take a shower together to cleanse yourself before meeting the divine. If your partnership includes power exchange, you can begin to incorporate that here.
  4. Afterwards you might want to anoint yourselves with essential oils or lovingly brush each other’s hair. Perhaps the dominant will choose an outfit for the submissive.
  5. Follow your instinct as you initiate sexually and take as long as you need to warm up to the Nunchaku. Embrace one another and surrender to the present moment.
  6. Perhaps you will take turns introducing the Nunchaku to each other before inserting it at the same time. You can try matching each other’s rhythms or alternating between guiding your partner’s wand and guiding your own. Again, do what feels right. Communicate openly with your partner and honor each other’s needs.
  7. In my experience, a woman’s climax is not as straight-forward as a man’s. Following orgasm, a man is likely to lose his erection and require a period of rest. Some women have a similar pattern, but others are capable of multiple orgasms and do not lose arousal after climaxing. As you release, try focusing some of that energy back into your heart.
  8. As you wind down, practice some aftercare with gentle caresses and cuddling. When you’re ready, share your feelings about the experience.
  9. Finally, cleanse your Nunchaku and return it to its suede pouch for the next time you’re ready to play.

As you’re deepening your practice, check out these books for additional reading:

Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the 21st Century by Barbara Carrellas

Sacred Kink: The Eightfold Paths of BDSM and Beyond by Lee Harrington 

Cover Image by Rachel Cuccia

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